Today I have nothing to say about PR but I have a parenting question and I hope you can help. As the father of a 13 and 11yr old, I never let them have msn accounts but yesterday they asked about having facebook accounts. I see all the other kids are using their full names and birth dates plus posting photos…so what's your advice? Is facebook safe for kids? Any wisdom you can pass on would be appreciated. Thanks
Wayne (Dad who is trying his best)
Confused Facebook Parent
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Facebook is all about choices and the question is, are they ready to make choices you and they are comfortable with?
What every parent needs to know:
1. Your kids will receive things from whoever is in their network. These range from images (from puppies to scantily clad people), quotes (from aspirational to lewd) and virtual "gifts" (from a hug to a beer). It is up to them on what to keep versus delete.
2. The networks grows extremely quickly. You cannot assume they will be 'friended' by just their age group, or just by kids in their school or community.
3. The voting and comparing and 'personality' quizzes are pervasive among the younger audience. So, vote for who is the prettiest, the best kisser and the best dancer with the results stored on your kid's page. The 'personality' quizzes are everything from "what color are you" to "what your stripper name would be."
4. Facebook has both chat and email. Once you are friends with someone they have the opportunity to communicate with your kids. The kids you want to foster relationships with as well as the ones you don't.
5. Kids upload picture of themselves and their friends from mobile phones and cameras. Some are very positive and some are very unattractive and can be condemming.
6. Parents must understand the privacy settings in Facebook and how they allow or don't allow access to your kids pictures and pages.
7. In some cases, Facebook is being taken into consideration in courts of law and other areas like applications as a character reference.
Despite these considerations, as a parent I am very pro Facebook. However, I found some VERY eye opening things (that are a reflection of their physical world – so this is not a condemnation of virtual spaces), that I was extremely uncomfortable with. I had a talk with my kid about it and gave them a choice. Either I get their username and password to do periodic checks (even if you are friends with your kid, you can see their pages, but not the email or chat), or they delete their site. My kid chose to delete the site.
I personally encourage parents to have their own Facebook site so that they understand how it works and to "friend" their kids so they can at least see the public pages.
Overall, I personally think Facebook is as safe an environment as the physical world. I just caution parents to be with their kids when they set up the site to make choices about privacy settings, how much information to reveal (you don't have to list your birthday for example), and what type of content to expect.
Good luck and have fun with it!
If they are creative, let them have a myspace account, open your own account and ensure you always have their password so you can check the account when you want.
My kids are now 15 & 16, but have had myspace accounts for a ~4 years. My daughter also has a facebook, but prefers Myspace because she can be more creative (like the way her profile looks). She uses facebook to interact with her academically advanced friends (straight from her mouth, not mine).
I opened my own myspace account only to track both of my children. The rule is, I always have access to their account password and can check anytime. If I try to log in and their password doesn't work, they are locked out for a few weeks and I look at some of their mail (because there is always a reason they lock you out)
In the past 4 years, I've only found it necessary to still check my sons account as he has ~300+ girls communicating with him, sometimes not appropriately.
Hi Wayne,
I hate to be in the minority here, but consider my perspective! I am a parent, although my daughter is not at the age of having a myspace/facebook site. I understand the desire that children have of wanting one, but let's be honest. It was never created for THEM!
Myspace was designed for users over the age of 13, but the content that is promoted is, at many times as you are aware, inappropriate for anyone under the age of 21. Scantily clad individuals and adult content is not ok for our children. I am not a prude, but I am being accurate in my description. Your boys may have quiet friends, but THEIR friends may join another friend's network and have inappropriate graphics that flash and display photos without their say-so or control.
In my opinion, Facebook is geared to a more academic crowd, less marketing and social stimulus than Myspace. There is more restriction of what is displayed, but again, you have no control over what can be seen or found via the network. Although it is used to stay in contact with friends, I do not understand why CHILDREN need this avenue.
My opinion, IF you want to talk to your friends, call them or see them in school the next day, plain and simple. I do not understand the need for allowing our children to have such unrestricted access to the internet, and I am by no means a saint. I am 30 years old and have seen more than my fair share of content that has made ME uncomfortable!
I honestly believe it is time to allow our children the chance to be just that, children. They grow up fast enough as it is, without the outside influences that are starting to find themselves in our homes, without our knowledge or permission.
Just my thoughts!
Sharyn
I agree… let them have accounts but you have the access info at all times AND you on their friends list at all time. We've done that for several years and it has been fine. I check in about once a month—it's eye opening. You have to let them be themselves, but you have a responsibility to keep them safe.
This gives you good insight into their world without being a spy and helps them learn appropriate communication. Great tool for launching important discussions.
Neither of my sons has ever complained about me being a "fly on the wall" and they are now 14 and 18.
I am agreeing with all of you. We are parents that have been very cautious about what our kids see online. But they each have their own computers in their rooms…and we discuss the net often. I never let my daughter have MSN…and according to her, she is the only kid on the planet who doesn't msn. I love all these comments for and against. Thanks Wayne
Hey Wayne,
Stewart here.
The best thing to do is test some of the features that block certain aspects of your profile. My two kids aren't on Facebook, (8 & 9 yrs old) as I'm quite strict about their online presence. I think if you acted as moderator, by watching their friend lists and keeping their network closed, they could enjoy Facebook and you can enjoy a little peace of mind. A good compromise?
I set up a dummy account on an email address I use for junk mail. I use this to test features and see how visible they are from my main account. This way I can be positive only what I choose can be revealed.
Another tip would be to have a favorite stuffed friend be the profile picture. It's cute, friends can find it, and no one can identify them outside of the circle. A nickname or pseudonym known only to the group is a good idea.
Phone numbers and addresses are a no no. Keep the communication Facebook only.
It'll 'suck' for the kids if you're moderating, but the option otherwise is no access. I think they might compromise.
Take care!!
Stewart
Oh yeah… be sure and explain why they need to be safe online. If they still don't get it, find a responsible high school student to explain it – someone closer to their peer group.
S
Some great points Lianne.
SM
In the Australian parliament last week a warning was given not to put to much personal info including dates of birth on facebook because there is a significant rise in identity theft with people using the social networking websites to accumulate info. Facebook is not safe.